thoughts from thinking-words from hand-emotion by heart

i want to make a post..cause i dont wan this blog to miss january...think bout what to write..few hours ago i was thinkin bout what happen to me now so feel kinda emo...and i thought this gonna be an emo post..and thinkin bout it makes me wan laugh and all the emo feeling all gone..but i still wan make emo post and unfortunately after go few site i got tired n here i am..not happy or emo...just wan to finish this off asap and go zzzzzzzzzzz.......so i dunnoe whether this is serious or emo or happy or stupid crappy post....mayb shud name it a seriously happy idiot crappy post lol in malay seorang bodoh yang betul2 happy mengarut/merepek(ridiculous) punya post...in the end of the day i still try to make some lame joke so i can smile a bit....ya ive been thinkin on my way home today...eh wait...shud i start with wth ive been doin since the last post 1st????..dun think have time la...i think just skip my 1st time golf thingy all...ok think on way home...ive been workin for 2 days now n suddenly got offer mayb i can extend till june which is perfect..but meaning i have no time to hang out with my fren....anymore...last time after spm i not working also..so i ask other fren go out often and when they say they work i sure like..

.fuck u la..this mayb last time hang out together n you dunwan go go die at your work place la....bring all your money to the grave and buy yourself out of death and work till the world end..that time we all die d so no need see us........


yeah i do know how make other people feel guilty and miserable...but just recently i go to someone house and say to my friend...here the conversation

me-they all so close i bet they all prioratize family 1st
someone(i forget her name)-ya la kan kita semua macam tu?
me-eh for me i think career 1st family 2nd..you wont make a happy family if you dont have money to support your family
someone-HAHAHA kerja pun tak ada career 1st pulak
me-LOL bukan sekarang la i mean after college and stuff
someone-but money isnt everythng
me-true but it is something and better than nothing...and if no career means you got nothing
someone-tak tahu la tapi kita memang macam tu..mungkin perempuan je
me-dunnoe la maybe saya la...sebab sekarang macam kalau family ada wedding ke apa mesti saya 1st yang lari blababla
and so on.....

after thinkin this i guessing what will become of me....work work work??but i really really wan to spend time with my 2 friend which i surely gonna die for.......but i just wont quit the job...not like i desperate for money or something but i just wont quit..and now got offer to extend until june...i cant say no straight....i just dont know....why...........when i was told this i was like...............at that moment i only think of 2 person....adibah and hamizi....i badly wanted to go out with them but against superb job and superb pay and superb colleague ...simply make me completely feel empty....ok what you think of this...hamizi go out from ship in port klang after almost a year in oversea and straight called his family and me to tell he gonna come back in febuary...adibah also special to me...the fact that she gonna go australia for 4 year since the 1st time i know her just like...its feel something inside you that you feel lost....that isnt complete...lol like wan confess love haha...i dunnoe whether she or her friend gonna read this or my fucking friend gonna tell this to her bro but i feel kinda safe cause people dont really read this blog...and the person really bored or care bout me will read this cause it is a hell of a long post and nthing interesting also...so if yo u still reading thanks a lot...she always tell me what goin on with her life...sms me...as a matter of fact most of the time i reload my phone just beacause of her....and you all can prove me wrong when did any of you send the 5th last phone message to me?if you dont un...ur last msg t me,2nd last msg,3rd,4th and 5th..when is it??this year???propably not...and did you even send 5 to me??jonathan?????fuck u ........oni know call girl...sohai fella....spend rm40++call girl 1 night can sms me ask what i do 10 cent kenot...fucking backtabber...fuck its getting late....30 min d..mayb continue this la.....what i write all that i consider that iportant...sometime people take what they got for granted...for me i think i must acknowledge all my fren how i feel bout them and stuff cause i really care bout u all....seriously..i being gay here n i hate gays...im sorry if i become an ass to any of you cause i never meant to...ok its geting weird i better stop here...thanks for reading...